Mark Twain Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.”
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.
“I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”
Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one's head.
“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one's head.”
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
“Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.
“Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.”
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
“Don't let schooling interfere with your education.”
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
“A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”
The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny.
“The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny.”
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not the absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not the absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave.”
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”
Never regret anything that made you smile.
“Never regret anything that made you smile.”
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
“If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.”
A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
“A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.”
Honesty is the best policy ? when there is money in it.
“Honesty is the best policy ? when there is money in it.”
Do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
“Do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”
Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.
“Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.”
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment.
“For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment.”
To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.
“To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.”
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
“The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.”
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.
“Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.”
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell ? you see, I have friends in both places.
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell ? you see, I have friends in both places.”
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.”
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”